Tag Archives: Thanksgiving

The Little Spider that Couldn’t

21 Nov

A snapshot into my morning…

This morning I opened my son, Cole’s, bedroom door to let the sun and air infiltrate. I said hello to his Vans (shoes) that are bedside, still awaiting his return. Only they were pushed under the bed too far and not quite as visible as I prefer. I pulled them out, cobwebs and all, so they are positioned according to my neurosis. Just then a little spider came crawling out but to no avail, as I promptly used Cole’s shoe to squash it. “Not today little spider,” as I speak to the freshly deceased, “these shoes are not for you, they belong to Cole.” Yes, I speak to the spider as if the dialogue is viable and understood in the order of things.

…that is how I roll, which is part of how I mourn, grieve and honor the memory of Cole.

Now moving past my snapshot and into the week of Thanksgiving–I am truly grateful. I am blessed with so much love in my life, so many interpretations of love and so many variances therein, how can I not be grateful? My wish for others is to also have an abundance of gratitude to draw from in the sphere of ones own experience. My hope in writing this meager post is to communicate real life, real love, and true understanding of how one (in this case “I”) move through living in loss. My son is alive in my heart and his spirit, I know, remains full and well. Yet, I miss his presence dreadfully.

Happy Thanksgiving week to all, may we enjoy the moments of happiness and joy we create together–please create them!

 

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MEA (culpa)

21 Nov

I feel like I have been living in a “Where’s Waldo?” tale.  I have been here, there, and everywhere.  Had time to spare and then no time at all.  Enjoyed adventures worth sharing but no inspiration with which to deliver the details.  If I were bi-polar (previously known as manic depressive), I would find this place to be the worse place of all…the humdrums of life.  The in between, the middle, the norm.  Yep, the norms…no highs, no lows.  Just plain old living.  Now my previous statement has nothing to do with the past months activities, not at all.  For this past month has truly been filled with loads of fun times.  No, the humdrums are within myself.  And they will pass, I have no doubt.  But while they take up residence within my being, my creativity is somewhat hampered.  At least in the arena of writing.

For instance, do I really want to share my thoughts on the fact my son has decided to start smoking again?  Especially since he is now a ‘Bentrivka’ subscriber?  No, I’ll pass on that one.  How about writing about the intense battle with fear my husband has been in this entire year of 2012, with me as his helper?  Nope, let’s skip that one as well.  Shall I let you into my secret world of gerontophobia, or as the band Blondie put it, “die young, stay pretty?”  Heck no …that world of mine is secret for darn good reason!

So what to write about when the weather is cool and so is my inspiration?  How about thanks and giving.  Yes, I have much of both of those two words inside of me…

Thanks:

  • no leaks in the roof
  • G-d’s glorious provisions
  • warm clothes on a cold day
  • sun shining most of the time
  • hot water from a shower
  • my son, my daughter
  • memories of a good childhood
  • bilingual literacy (shoot monolingual literacy is an amazing gift, in and of itself!)
  • a generous and loving extended family–from both sides of our coin
  • music
  • song
  • the ability to swim
  • vision
  • a sewer system
  • forced air heating
  • down slippers
  • friends
  • time to sleep
  • flowers, foliage, and birds
  • no formal plans for the day of thanks

I really could go on and on with my list of thankfulness.  While there are some days I struggle with having a good attitude, I can never (and I mean never in the literal sense of the word) find an excuse not to smile.  Thankfully, I have been given the ability to see blessings…even if they are not owned by me, such as a flower or a bird (or a lovely pair of Yves St. Lauren shoes).

Giving, verb.:  to present voluntarily and without expecting compensation; bestow

  • a dinner invitation
  • a present
  • a compliment
  • shelter
  • a ride
  • assistance with…
  • tutoring
  • hospitality
  • kindness
  • an opportunity
  • information
  • compassion
  • a listening ear
  • washing a dish
  • mowing a lawn
  • taking in or out the trash receptacles
  • running an errand
  • my sister
  • sharing milk
  • vacuuming
  • a smile

There you have it, a looky-loo into my inspiration void.  But as you pass thru, albeit ever so briefly, I offer you, my fellow United States(ers), a very joyful and plentiful Thanksgiving celebration.  May you know the warmth of food, family, friends, and gratefulness.  And that blessing transcends to anyone else who, for whatever reason (logistics or circumstance), are not in common with the Thanksgiving tradition of tomorrow.  As for my “fantastic four”, we have decided to cook up a lasagne and go to a park. AAAAhhhh, the sweet fragrance of freedom of choice…another item to add to my list of “thanks”.  🙂

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