Dear Cole,
Just now, when I was getting water from the refrigerator, I saw your picture. The photo of you, Esther and I in the snow. It was a Boy Scout adventure with myself and your sister as tag-alongs. Oh hey, did I tell you your dad finally removed the safety bars he installed in your bathroom? The ones for when you came home from the hospital? Yep, he finally succumbed to my need to have them removed. Funny thing though, now there are holes in the floor and the bathroom looks like something you would want to submit to a home improvement television show.
Oh, and today at work a really cool thing happened. I’d like to call you and tell you about it, you’d be stoked. And yesterday when I was driving down to San Diego, the Offspring song “Gone Away” came on and, well I tried to make it through the whole thing but I had makeup on…so, you know, I couldn’t have tears streaming down my face on my way into work! Oh yeah, not to mention I was driving!!
Dear Cole,
Our little family canine mascot died this past week, Little Buddy. Your dog, Piper, is feeling a bit alone. In fact we found the entrails of a lizard outside the kitchen door this afternoon. I guess without Buddy to play with she is resorting to reptilia. Ok, ok, so I made up the word “reptilia,” but I thought you would think it sounded smart so I kept it in the letter. 🙂
Dear Cole,
Hey there, how’s it going? Have you heard about us lately? Has anyone told you your sister is getting to be quite an amazing young woman? Can you see her from where you are? I think if so, you are equally as amazed as I at her fortitude and applied wisdom. I hope you are proud of her, she deserves it! Oh hey, will you put in a good word for a loving companion for her? Her heart is near ready for that void to be filled.
Dear Cole,
What do you think about your Dad? He’s come a long way since you were a kid, heck since you were first diagnosed! He’s sending his own email now. He even is using an iPhone, running his Instagram (scaaaaarrrryyy!!) and managing his own business affairs for the most part. In the last 6 months he’s built 2 new cars and had two art tours. He still battles fear, but isn’t letting it make decisions for him anymore. Believe it or not, you have been the indirect cause of his new found strength–thank you for that. Well son, I need to get to bed now, 5a.m. comes upon me quickly. I sure do miss you. Oh, one more thing (for now), do you know that you no longer need to double space after a period? Yep, English teachers are allowing a single space–I hear it’s MLA approved! Crazy!! But I’m a bit of a creature of habit with the ol’ space bar, so only sometimes you get a single space out of me. Ok, I’m heading to bed. Hey Cole, are you happy where you live? I sure do miss you.
I love you.
Mom
living in loss and gratitude 
The Noise