Tag Archives: movies

Unintentionally Imperfect

28 Nov

I am sleep deprived today.  I was sleep deprived yesterday too, but today I’m “feeling” it.  The cause of my shut-eye deprivation was fear.  Grippingly, wrenchingly, nauseatingly, and awfully imposing was this terrorization of my soul.  Not to worry, my faith (which I have discovered is actually an action more than an idea, and translates as: trust in an unseen G-d and his Word as recorded in the Bible), has conquered my visitor from Hell.  Yes, the state of my being, while suffering the fool of being afraid, was something straight out of what my impression of Hell would be…a place devoid of the presence of my loving father.  Not a pleasure, I assure you.

I will bring you thru to the occult slowly, by traipsing back to the catalyst–which is actually quite wonderful and exhilarating…

My husband, Brian, and I have decided that an additional investment (aka:privilege), into our daughter’s education would be a worthwhile endeavor.  She is currently finishing up her second year of learning her third language, French.  And because she has weathered this past year and a half like a champ, we have decided to send her on a trip to France this January, during her one month respite from classes (though she will engage in studies while on her visit).

Now rewind to 1983 for the back-story which helps to illuminate my fearful state.  It was the aforementioned year and I was thirteen (funny, up until writing this post I held this memory as if I were 9 or 10 years of age…but now looking up facts smooths out the wrinkles of a hazy memory), for reasons still unknown to me now, I watched a movie about a little boy who was kidnapped from Sears while shopping with his mom.  And who was subsequently found murdered.  The little boy was Adam Walsh.  You might know the, made for TV movie, it was titled, “Adam”.  The account of this story of abduction rattled my young soul to the core, and its impact upon my mind was profound.  At that time I babysat my younger siblings (god brother and sister, for those of you who are thinking, “wait a minute, aren’t you the baby of the family?), with a new, keen awareness of evil.  I developed a philosophy and guideline for our public outings of, “If I can’t touch you, somebody else can!”, which I later applied to my own children, in their younger years.  Essentially, they were allowed to be within my arms reach and not further.  While raising my children I felt strongly that I’d rather lose them to a Mac truck then to have them (or me) live through the horrors of abduction.

In recent years, my aching heart is aware of stories of abduction through media coverage.  Specifically, the Chelsea King case.  There is a trail near my house that I like to walk the dogs on.  For some reason my heart hurts for her and her parents during one section of the terrain.  I always, and I mean ALWAYS, pray for the King family (and the parents of the perpetrator) during that leg of my hike…it’s kind of creepy, I admit!  In fact, there are occasions that I cannot complete that particular leg of the walk because my empathizing mind becomes too burdened by the evil which crossed the King’s path and fear then runs a muck within me.  You will still find me in prayer for the families, though my own insecurities are also being addressed at the same time.  And as fate would have it, I had the pleasure of interacting with the King family attorney this past summer.  He is a most gracious man with a truly empathetic and giving heart.  Anyway, this is my back story.  I do not normally walk in fear…at least that is what I thought.

In fact, this particular year I have declared, with my husband, it is a year of “NO FEAR”.  Now making this declaration seems simple enough…not so, not so.  For it has, in fact, acted as illuminator of the many, let me write it again, MANY underlying actions we take in life that are directly motivated by fear.  Example, when fighting cancer do not cook your vegetables…they are most effective when consumed in their natural state (what to do when raw vegetables are difficult for the cancer patient to ingest? Aaahhh Scary!).  And of course they can only be organic, and the quality of the soil and farm is integral to the nutrient content (but when one is on a strict budget, that rabbit hole has to be left for another fox to find…also scary).  Milk is bad and probably the cause of many illnesses (one friend of mine is convinced it is the origin of my migraine headaches, I am slightly afraid as I drink every last drop).  Cardiovascular exercise is important for longevity, but don’t forget strengthening techniques which help fight the naturally occurring degeneration of bone mass (if you don’t move you just might die–one day).  Don’t consume just any oil, it has to be cold pressed.  Or hard pressed, or who knows which one!  I don’t think you want me to get started on fish, the mercury content, and the wild vs. farmed issue.  How about the environmental issues.  Or sex before marriage issue, and the ‘must attend a university directly out of high school’ issue–or else!  Of course, at my age, the retirement fund and long term care insurance issues come into play.  As does the fear of disease and getting older.  Oiy Vay…fear has its roots in much of our life.  If we let it.  For the most part, I utilize my knowledge with a knowing that this physical life is a temporary one.  I do what I can, with what I have, and trust in the good Lord for the rest.  …and this last statement is coming from one (me) who thoroughly enjoys learning.

So with our 2012 no fear policy has come the facing of many root fears which have permeated our lives.  No matter, I like the purging…until this past week.  The week Brian and I decided to move forward with allowing Esther the opportunity to travel, on her own, to France.  As I shared our decision with a family member (whose travel booking advice I was after) she promptly suggested I, and Esther, watch the movie “Taken”.  Actually, I think I’ll expose her.  Only because she is such a squeaky clean individual that she needs a little soiling, just to keep the “chi” in balance. 🙂  It is my younger sister.  The one who suffered, as a little girl, the squeeze of my hand because I was under the influence of the Adam Walsh story.  The one who traveled, to France herself, when she was twenty, with a girlfriend.  So upon her advice I watched a 4 minute synopsis of the film.  And the wretched ax of terror hit me so hard I was shaking–honest–because this film has the underlying story of two girls who travel to Paris, are abducted and then sold into the sex slavery trade (last word hurts to even use–sorry, it’s late and I don’t want to take the time to correct it).  I was, after that, gripped.  My stomach was clenched with fear and my head a swirl with evil.  I somehow managed to get myself back to a quasi normal state, just enough to get some sleep.

However, the next night my daughter returned home from a work dinner party, where her 17th birthday was being honored.  Only instead of being showered with birthday blessings and wishes, she was being smothered with curses.  They went something like this, “Oh, you should watch that movie Taken.  You are so going to be taken, just like in that movie, because you are too nice.”  She came and shared that news with me as I was already tucked in bed and again at peace with her upcoming trip.  I will spare you from having to re-live the scenario with me, especially as the torment and mental torture I endured carried forth until the morning.  It was a horrific night.  And Brian, Esther, and I have had to thoroughly examine the circumstances of her travel arrangements, her host family, and the realities which come from living in an imperfect world.  Bottom line, our mantra of 2012 remains.  “No Fear.”  Because fear is a destroyer of life.  It might seem harmless while living in a vegetable, within imperfect soil, or even in the milk we drink (though the Center for Science in the Public Interest  doesn’t consider these things harmless, http://www.cspinet.org/).  Yet it likes to take hold of that which is biologically sound and squeeze from it the essence of being alive.

Though difficult as it may be for me to recover from my wrestling match with the devil, my daughter will travel to France this winter.  She will be blessed with as much opportunity as we can provide for her.  And she will know that no matter how hard it is for us, her father and I, to let go of her hand, we will allow her to bloom and grow.  And what of my little sis, my now-a-principal-of-a-high-school little sis, who first led me to the rocking of my soul movie trailer?  She is also the first to say to Esther, “just be aware and cautious, but most definitely go.”

This past year our Bent slogan was created because my husband has been suffering the fool of fear for a while.  I have been so tired from his own sleepless nights (as he insists upon my help through his torture) that I actually installed the “NO FEAR” policy as a measure of ‘risk management’.  This is probably my first time experiencing the robbing tactics of its presence.  And yet, today I purchased her airline tickets.  And today I share in her excitement.  …fear, don’t come around here no more.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7


My Mistake

4 Oct

I have caught myself a product of my own impatience.  In my last post I promised to showcase a scene of poor auditory quality because it was the scene in its entirety.  However, in my haste to finish the  post I did not truly watch that particular clip from beginning to end.  I have just now finished watching it, with my husband, only to learn it was completely edited.  Most of the emotion was cut and the piano was present.  Yes, the final words spoken of 1900 to his “founder of jazz” opponent was present, but the clip was NOT the scene in its entirety, as I had written.  Bummer!
To make up for this indiscretion of mine, I am including two more clips.  A, more emotional, and better sound quality of the piano duel, as well as another scene which is called “The Waltz”.

Again, my apologies.

The Legend of 1900

1 Oct

Every so often I like to showcase a movie review–mine to be specific.  “The Legend of 1900,” happens to be on my list of favorite movies (though I had quite forgotten about it until this past week).  It is the first English speaking film put out by the Italian filmmaker, Giuseppe Tornatore.  It is one of those movies that I enjoyed so much, I allowed my children to endure the influence of the “F-word”, at a young age, because the set and storyline supersede the placement of the explicative.  Well actually, I don’t think I allowed Esther to see the movie in its entirety when she was a wee one, though I most certainly would now.  Cole, on the other hand, was allowed to watch it through to completion.  It is rated “R”, for language only (never mind that the ‘PG’ rating from the 1980’s permitted full female nudity such as in the cult classic, “16 Candles”).  And though the movie is purely fictional, the depth of the character portrayals draws the viewer in causing one to come away from the film believing the story to be a true account.  Brilliant film making if you ask me.

Additionally, the film is a period piece, it moves between the mid 1940’s (post war) to the vibrant 1920’s (mostly aboard a cruise liner, similar in elegance to the Titanic).  I would love to give away the ending (actually Wikipedia does), however I realize some people like to be in the dark, regarding a story’s outcome, and so to respect that possibility I will refrain.  But just know that I LOVE how this movie ends.  Which in and of itself reflects upon my homage to film noir, though the term can only be loosely applied to Legend of 1900.

Now the one particular scene (…I believe the only scene I allowed Esther to partake in previously), which I am including a viewing link to, is a piano duel between the lead protagonist, 1900,  and the other pianist who in the film is considered the “inventor of jazz”.  Not only do I enjoy this segment because the set is aboard the fantastic elegance of the cruise ship, but also because the piano playing, and parlaying of talents, is wonderfully showcased.  I am a lover of percussion…no wonder my offspring are both drummers, beginning their formal musical instruction on the piano (informal on guitar, harmonica, conga drum, and bongos–courtesy their Dad).  At any rate, getting myself back to the dual scene.  The man, 1900, is a humble lover of music.  His gift is genuine and his buddy, who had placed a wager that he would win, is sweating because 1900 is allowing himself to get wrapped up in the melodies of the talented opponent.  Ideally he should, in the mind of his friend (and I should mention narrator of the movie), be contriving his inner competitive nature to get the job done and win the duel.  Meanwhile the, quite accomplished, other pianist is too in love with himself to appreciate the opportunity at hand.  And in the end, as the good book states, his pride is the means of his undoing (“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”  Proverbs 16:18).

The clip I am featuring is not the best quality clip I could have chosen.  However, the better quality clip omits a significant line or two at the end and I feel the integrity of seeing the scene in its entirety trumps the auditory perk.  Besides, I am hoping this movie review will “wet your whistle”, or entice your desire, to see the movie for yourself.  I am also curious to know if any of you are familiar with this film.  I have yet to run across another who is “in the know.”  🙂



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