Tag Archives: Heaven

Heroes Along The Way

3 Apr

While strolling along, in this earthly life, I have had the privilege of having varying people touch my heart; and by doing so, guide my character.  Some of these special folks are finished with this side of the ‘dust-o-the-earth’ and are probably sparkling much brighter from beyond than our dingy, planet bound, perspective allows us to acknowledge.  This post is NOT paying homage to them.

I have also been influenced by the fortitude and experiences of a few characters in life I have never met, but admired for one reason or another.  They will also NOT be considered in this particular writing.

This writing, or blog post, is specifically dedicated to those still present with me (though not necessarily close in proximity).  The idea to honor a few people, via Bentrivka.com, came to me in my 3′ x 3′ encapsulated think tank just this morning–otherwise known as my shower.  My shower is a place I tend to listen, reflect, and converse with either myself or G-d Almighty.  And sometimes I merely bathe.

At any rate, the following compilation will, hopefully by the time I finish, be in alphabetical order, so not a one will feel compelled to be slighted by their positioning on the list. 😉

  • Aunt Marge–  She gives me the gift of encouraging words and a welcoming presence.  Every time I see her, she offers up the same praises as she has done before.  Her praises always encourage, her smile reassures me I am welcome, and her patience with me seems to convey the idea that ‘I matter’.  She is a model of the best kind of cheerleader.
  • Leah– She continues to be the model of familial devotion.  Her example has held me to the task in even my most toughest challenges.
  • Momma A–  She is like Switzerland during WWII, neutral.  Her ability to offer neutrality to her family and, in some cases friends, resonates within me when I want to take sides and settle a score.
  • Nonnie–  I have never met another who extends the gift of including others more than her.  With Nonnie, every one is welcome.  This standard I long to possess naturally, though I am sad to say I don’t.  But through her influence I know how to maneuver my actions toward  this direction.
  • Teresita–  Her gift to me has been her unwavering faith.  An example was offered in my youth, though remains a source of inspiration for me to this day.
  • Zia Kafrin– Her ongoing gift to me is the manner in which she shows unconditional love and acceptance toward others.  She has modeled patience and mercy when frustration and indignation could have been an acceptable choice.

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I wrote the above post on January 31, 2013, which happened to be my birthday and also happened to be a very, very bad day.  The month that followed showed little improvement.  However, I have been given reprieve in March and am moving ever closer to a sense of consistent normalcy (consistency is key and normalcy subjective).

I actually intended to scrap this particular writing because I felt it too risky a concept (lest I forget to list a deserving soul and because allocating one attribute to each person is too hard to do–heroes are multifaceted people!).  However, I have decided to publish it INCOMPLETE as tribute to my Aunt Marge who was living back in January, though is now home in Heaven.  As I prepare to travel north this coming weekend to attend her memorial, I couldn’t bring myself to trash the list that she had, previous to her passing, made it on.  It just didn’t feel right.

And though I previously considered the list too risky, under this new banner my previous trepidations are quelled.

I love you Aunt Marge…this one’s for you! xoxo

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ELIMS

22 Feb

We are home from northern cal, safe and sound.  As is customary for my life, or so it seems, I tend to only have two gears with which to choose from in my world of motion.  The two gears being, drive and reverse.  Opposites, of course.  It is not the first time I mention it in my writing.  I have, in past posts, used words such as paradoxical, simultaneous, coincide, ironic, etc. to express the place in which I dwell.  That place being, where blessing and curse/rain and sunshine/happiness and sadness/love and hate coexist and keep me in a suspended balance.  Weird; or at least I think so.

So it was driving up north that I knew my mournful sorrow would turn to joyful glee once we arrived to Sacramento.  I knew this, in advance, because of who my grandmother was.  We weren’t going to have a large mournful affair, no we were going to have a large family gathering and that gathering would turn to celebration, which in fact it did.  So with this knowledge, I took advantage of the six to eight hour window I was stuck in a vehicle with nowhere to go, and allowed myself to mourn, hurt, and cry for the loss of my grandma Ella and my neighbor Fernie.  I sat behind Brian because he was, thankfully, the driver of the van.  And he kept looking at me in the review mirror and seeing my continuous sorrow show itself…I (for once) did not hold back.  At one point in the drive, through the grapevine I believe, we were surrounded by tall, green, grassy hills.  And I could have sworn I saw my grandmother and Fern standing atop one of the hills–beautifully bedecked in white, flowing dresses and waving goodbye to me.  Both of them were extremely happy.  They were smiling, and through their joyful adieu were in essence telling me, “It is ok to say goodbye.  We are happy, and we love you, don’t be sad for us.”  And though I know they weren’t really up on that hill waving to me, the very idea of them doing so soothed my heart, for I wasn’t able to say goodbye to either of them before their departure.  Don’t worry, I continued to cry and cry some more.  But that imagery has stayed with me, and I am thankful for it.

One of the songs I heard while encapsulated in the van was a song called, “Smile”, by Kirk Franklin.  I would put it up for you to see but I don’t really like any of the videos associated with it…it is better listened to without a visual aid.  Essentially the ministering lyrics go something like this:

“Today’s a new day, and there is no sunshine. Nothing but clouds, and it’s dark in my heart and it feels like a cold night. Today’s a new day, where are my blue skies, where is the love and the joy that you promised me you tell me it’s alright.
(I’ll be honest with you) I almost gave up, but a power that I can’t explain, fell from heaven like a shower.
(When I think how much better I’m gonna be when this is over) I smile, even though I’m hurt see I smile, I know God is working so I smile, Even though I’ve been here for a while I smile, smile…”

The truth of these lyrics are reminiscent of my intro paragraph and the running at drive and reverse simultaneously.  My grandma is gone, but wow what a celebration!  My Fernie is gone, but her grandson (whom we adore) and his expectant wife will be moving into the home of their beloved Fern.  Blessings and sorrow–simultaneously.  Elims=Smile!

Tengo una sombra de tristeza sobre mi alma.
conjunto
tengo el resplendor de una
sonrisa.

lleno con el difunto y
lleno con el amor.

El amor trae la alegria
La fe trae la esperanza
estoy vivo porque Dios es mi razón.

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1908-2011

24 Nov

Those of you who have been ‘serious’ followers of my banter, here on bentrivka.com, will remember the post titled, “100% Cotton Mouth”.  If you have not read that one, please take a moment to skim over it before continuing to read this current post.  The reason being, is that my ‘…cotton mouth’ post referred to my Aunt Hilda…who, today, closed her eyes and left her body.  Her almost 104 year old physical being.  Her spirit is now young again, her voice is strong, her vision is perfect, and her poor, tired feet alight as she moves freely about the Heavens.  My Aunt Hilda is home.  And though she lived a very full life and we rejoice in her peaceful passing, the finality of her time here with us is still a bitter pill to swallow.

I lift my glass to her.  I wear her gloves and purses with a sentimentality not found in a new purchase.  I find enjoyment with every note I write on her secretarial steno pads–from when telephone numbers began with a letter.  I wear her skirts with joyful amusement that I still can.  I value the time spent with her throughout my life.  I will cherish always her “bear” in the game Pictionary, for I could have sworn it was a squirrel…

She is home.  I am grateful.  Though my heart still aches.

February 19, 1908–November 23, 2011

Bless you Aunt Hilda, and bon voyage!

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