I am not doing well. Now that I have put that out there, there is no need to ask me further. But let me explain what “not doing well” means for me…
It means my soul is deeply hurting, yet I can still laugh at a joke and smile when a baby is present.It means I smell the clothes of my son every day, still hoping his scent will keep his physical presence alive.
It means I want to run through the parking lots of stores and cry out for help, “man down, man down!”
It means though I get out of bed each day and wash up and dress, I really don’t care about the health of my teeth or the status of my cleanliness.It means, I am hurt, I am hurting, and I am sad. And though I know the hope of Heaven in my spirit, and have reason to long for when my time comes to go home, I am not comforted in the knowledge my son is its new inhabitant.
It means I am a mother, and I have a man down.
Please do not ask me how I a doing…I am not doing well.