It has been a while since my last post. And though I had given a slight clue, in my last writing, as to what I would be writing in this current (or next) post, I have, “Rivka style”, changed direction. I say, Rivka style, because I have found that the one constant about my direction is that it is always changing. For instance, my good friend and I travel to Santa Catalina Island once a year for a girls getaway. This past weekend marked our 14th or 15th year of wreaking havoc on the sleepy town of Avalon. And as has been our custom, every year prior, we share a barbeque chicken pizza along with a dinner salad for one of our meals together. However, this year as she excitedly sat at our familiar table ready to order our “specialty”, I spilled the truth. “Uhm, Candice, I have a confession to make…I don’t like barbecue sauce anymore.” Now in years past she would give me a good ribbing about it, but this year she resigned to what she has come to know to be true, “Rivka is always changing her mind!”
Yes, folks, I am. And though I would like to write about the adventure of finding the San Diego Velodrome, it will have to wait; because I have changed my mind. I have changed partially due to the fact I have been dealing with migraine headaches again. And the headaches affect my ability to work at the computer because I am a slow writer, as well as, a slow reader. And the pain is quite intense, and the intensity grows the longer I stare at the screen.
Though I previously had connected gluten as the cause of my head irritation, I have since discovered it is not the case. Yeast and sugar, perhaps, though I am not wholly convinced (due to my own elimination diets of the past) that the cause is of MY doing. Truth be told, I have recently shared with Brian that while I am under the ‘spell’ of pain, I am feeling as if G-d is punishing me for something. I will tell you, confessions aside, that the only real connection I have found is a change in the weather. It is true, when the seasons change I tend to have the darned things more often. Yet I have enough insight into the ‘facts of life’ to know that the weather in and of itself cannot be the sole reason for my infliction. I have considered that my maternal grandmother suffered, occasionally, from migraines and my daughter does as well. Did I hear the call of “Genetics”? Blah Blah Blah…what a boring subject! I have been having migraines so long now that I am absolutely tired of them as a subject matter!
So let me leave you with the instance of how I came to my title. For some reason I received, in the mail, a holiday toy catalog. I do believe it was either for Toys R Us, or Target. Anyway, as I was perusing through the high gloss, and vibrantly colored pages, I couldn’t help but wonder at the types of toys offered to the wee ones of today. Monster dolls called, Bratzillas and some other name I have now forgot. Fairies called, “Good vs. Evil Fairies”. Party Girls dolls, or in other words (mine in fact), super skinny dolls with multicolored hair and loads of makeup on the face. A family game which involved handcuffs, and a game which seemed to award the art of lying. And as I sat there, jaw dropped open and mind in wonderment at why these types of toys are sought after, it hit me, “Oh Crap, I am getting old!” No it isn’t so much my age in number that is showing signs of the natural progression (according my family lineage I will hit middle age in another 15 to 20 years), it is the sign that I am losing touch with that which sparks the fire of the, younger-than-me, young. Oiy Vay!
Yes folks, I have been away from the computer for a couple of weeks now and with my quick appearance I leave you this tidbit morsel of nothing…sweet as it may be, it is still nothing. But tomorrow brings a new attempt at fighting the beast of my head (and eyes) and with my new approach, I am hopeful to have the physical ability, once again, to write in a manner more connected to that which I wish to say…without the pressure of pain sitting in the director’s seat. Crossing my fingers and such.
Adieu
living in loss and gratitude 
LOVE this line: “the one constant about my direction is that it is always changing”… Says so much! 😉
It is too true…and I am not a liar! A cheat? YES, but a liar, NO. …which doesn’t make for a good cheat! haha
My mother used to wrap raw, yes raw potatoes in a flour sack (dish cloth) and tie it around my head when I had headaches as a child. For some reason it worked and sometimes I did for my kids too. Hmmmm – you never know.
Heck, I’m open to try anything! …almost 😉