I have been holding off writing a new entry for the last few days because I am, or was, in process of keeping myself in check. Not to mention that yesterday I had a migraine and cannot write or pay bills on a migraine day…more to come on that subject in a different post.
Keeping myself in check simply means making sure my intentions are consistent with my heart’s desire. I might have written on this subject before, or at least alluded to it. The reason it came up for me again this week is because I took time to read over some of my carepages entries (for those of you new to this world of mine, the carepages entries are from the website where I first began blogging. See my about page–https://bentrivka.com/about). When reading the entries, I found myself blown away by a few of the writings…shoot, I’m not even sure how I came up with some of the vocabulary or information I provided in those postings! Well I do know…I do not write alone.
…Most of you know, I would like to write a book. In fact, I have several ideas for different writing compilations. One is fiction, one is travel/food, one is surviving trials, there is a ‘how to’ book, and one is pure satire. Yet through my perusal of carepages, I realized I want to “keep it real”, or in other words, I want to only write as the good Lord is guiding my pen (so to speak, for literally He will be guiding my keyboard).
Thus taking a few days to make sure my arrogance is locked back in its cage, and my humble reliance upon the gifting of the Holy Spirit back in the lead, is what I chose to do. My brother asked/accused me of using my reasoning as an excuse to not write…not something I hadn’t thought of either. Man-o-man, when I am doing some introspecting I leave no corner, nor crevice, un-inspected! And to answer him and myself, “no…I am not using my introspection as an excuse to not write.”
Now as a mother, wife of Brian (which translates as secretary, art director, style consultant, counselor, friend, companion, lover, and cook–did I mention personal and administrative assistant, accountant and bookkeeper?!), and personal taxi for Cole, sometimes when my time becomes free I am too tired to collect the thoughts I had pondered throughout my day, so in essence, I sell us all short as a result of sheer exhaustion. …that is an excuse!
So there you have it, keeping it real. Thanks for listening (reading actually).
Taking time to ponder
living in loss and gratitude 
The Noise