Tag Archives: community

Chewing by Choise

18 Oct

I enjoyed the good news of my last post so much that I wanted to let it sit a while before writing a new post.  I am currently chewing on the idea of ‘choice’.  I would like to think that I choose a good attitude in life.  But then I wonder, doesn’t everyone?  I mean, why choose to be hurt?  The very written implication of that last question makes it sound like a ridiculous notion…”choosing to be hurt”.  Of course one doesn’t “choose” to be hurt; one “gets” hurt.  The very word “gets” suggests hurt is imposed, not chosen.  We don’t run to our mother and say, “Johnny hit me and I choose to hurt!”  Of course not.  We say, “Johnny hurt me!”  So the idea that ‘hurt’ is thrust upon us is given to us early in our culture through our use of the English language.  Now that is the obvious, and the obvious is usually NOT what compels me.  Of course not, my nature forbids it (not true for I can override my nature should I choose).

Aaaaahhhh…it is the last statement, made in parenthesis, that furthers this discussion!  Now catch this with me if you can, hopefully I can make it come across in a comprehensible manner.  Consider that Johnny hit you.  In that moment, it was he who inflicted that which hurt.  However, consider that you tell the story of Johnny and his attack upon you several times.  Of course you run and tell your mother instantly (or whoever is available to console you in that moment), and sure enough, by the end of the day the incident becomes a ‘has been’.  But if you wake the next morning and retell the tale at breakfast, then again at lunch, then again at dinner, then again and again and again, does that mean that Johnny’s blow is continuous, therefore making his hurting you continuous also?

My opinion…No.

In my view individuals allow hurtful incidents to “hurt” them longer than should be allowed.  I’m really not excluded in this, though I write as though that is the case.  My being aware of it does help me to not live in constant pain, physical or emotional.  Again to state the obvious, humans hold onto emotional hurt long, long after the pain of the physical has subsided.  And in my deduction, it is the re-telling of the incident that keeps the emotional pain in its thriving state.  Then the “state of the pain”, for some people, becomes a part of their identity.  There is a trap that comes along with this practice.  The trap is, that as the pain is the identity of a person, that person begins to expect the pain.  For example (mind you I am being benign here so as none of you can read my writing and consider I am drawing from your personality), being the last person chosen for teams in grade school is hurtful.  As an adolescent the fear of the pain reminds one to either  ‘no-show’ on the team choosing day in P.E., or cop an excuse for why you should be chosen last.  Thus the original experience from grade school is being allowed to direct the actions in adolescence.  As an adult, those insecurities are in full bloom and thoughts of “no one ever calls me” or “I’m always the last resort with friends, family, co-workers, etc.” are allowed to flourish in the mature mind.

I bring this up because, bottom line, I want to.  That is the stripped down truth.  But the truth with clothes on is that I bring it up because I interact with people, whether strangers or not, who are bogged down by painful occurrences from their past.  Maybe not on a daily basis but consistent enough to be recognized.  It seems to me they are being robbed of the joy of today, and the potentiality that circumstances have changed, that they have become someone who is chosen first!

I remember exactly when and where the good Lord spoke to my heart and mind about this very thing.  Where he illuminated within me the idea of choice.  I will share it in my next post, for right now I would rather hear your opinion on “Chewing by Choise”; joyfully misspelled on purpose—take that ‘Auto Correct’!

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Got Milk?

29 Sep

Off the bat, my title means nothing!  I am just not wanting to take the time to invest in coming up with something catchy and creative.  So “got milk” is borrowed.  Of course it has relevance because our family goes through milk so quickly that my neighbors are often checking in with that very question!

A couple things;  I am slow to approve first time comments because I forget that I have them waiting.  Or I forget that is how I have the blog set up.  I will get to it, though it takes a while, but once your first comment is approved you will no longer need mediation for subsequent commentary.  Also, I have written a letter of gratitude toward our business community.  I have been petitioning our local, city paper to run it as well as the Orange County register.  However, getting anyone to respond is challenging.  So I am going to put the letter here in case it is never published for the appropriate people to see.  Not that this group is inappropriate, just that I am hoping to give a little “free publicity” and recognition to the businesses mentioned.  Anyway, here it is:

A Community Effort

By Rivka Bent, 9/2011

 Back in February of this year my son, Cole, returned home to San Juan Capistrano from serving in the United States Marine Corps.  In March, one month after his return, thanks to symptoms from hemorrhage, we learned he had a rare, cancerous brain tumor on his brain stem propelling him into immediate surgery.  During the two months hospital stay and these past four months of rehabilitation, our family has had the privilege of experiencing the generosity and compassion of so many people.  As is customary with illness of any kind, family and friends rally around and support the familial unit being affected.  However, in this letter, it is the generosity of the community at large that I wish to highlight.

 Because Cole is military affiliated, there are many avenues of correspondence which are required.  Faxes, certified letters, copies, over-nighted documents, etc.  I cannot thank Bill and Susan Odelson, of the Paper Annex in Marbella Plaza, enough for their unconditional help.  They have established, “Cole’s Tab”; a non-existent account where they keep the balance due at $0.00.  Yet they weekly fax, copy, and mail out a multitude of information on Cole’s behalf without giving it a second thought.  Additionally, Bill, a veteran himself, has kept a watchful eye over my correspondence methodology to ensure every “i” is dotted and “t” is crossed.  Who would have thought our local mail-station/stationary counter would care so much?  While our balance due on ‘Cole’s Tab’ is zero, our debt of gratitude can never be repaid.

 Another fine example of giving comes from our neighboring city of San Clemente.  Back in June I took Cole to the Ole Hanson Beach Club to see if an aquatic class could accommodate him and his rehabilitative needs.  The manager of the pool, Marty, generously took Cole’s cause into consideration and welcomed him to utilize any and all of their equipment.  On that first meeting we were also greeted by one of the instructors, Vicky, who offered her rehabilitative knowledge and expertise to Cole, twice a week for the entire summer; free of charge.  Debra and Cane, other instructors who teach at the Ole Hanson pool, were considerate enough to share their rented time in the water, allowing Vicky to work her magic with Cole which ultimately improved his strength and balance.  Everyone at Ole Hanson looked upon Cole with a compassion that brought me to tears every time we went.  As with Bill and Susan, our gratitude to all of the people we encountered this summer while at Ole Hanson is immeasurable and forever felt.

 In addition to the two aforementioned community establishments, there are multiple community members who have offered support.  For instance, Buddy the owner of Frio our downtown gelato/frozen yogurt hub, has shown compassion towards our family and slipped Cole a gelato “on the house” once or twice.  An associate working at Kinko’s, learned he was photocopying Cole’s medical chart to send overnight to the VA and decided to take the expense out of his own pocket.  There is more than one Costco employee praying for Cole’s recovery as well as Greg from Staples who has faithfully been praying for Cole since his deployment to Afghanistan in 2010.  Professors and staff from Saddleback College inquire often into Cole’s progress along with Professors Carmenmara and Beatrice who visited Cole in ICU more than once.  Boy Scout Troop 724 has come alongside our family with generosity and hands on assistance.  Optometrist, Dr. Joe Heinrich, has donated an eye exam, and Ocampo’s Landscaping is keeping up our yard.  The librarian at the San Juan Library, the owners from Hummingbird Café, and Arthur from the Old Barn have given us much encouragement during the difficult days in our journey.

 The concept of “it takes a village to raise children” is credited to Hillary Clinton; however, the practice of it falls into the hands of our southland community.  Though we have traffic congestion daily, and frustrations that come from living in crowded areas, we also have a community support system that assuages the tension of gridlock and smoothes the wrinkles of our differences.  We are a community of varying races, faiths, political views, and parenting styles.  Yet when challenges arrive, we become of the same blood and of the same purpose.  Our village is strong because it is full of compassionate and beautiful people.  We are honored to be a part of it.

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