I enjoyed the good news of my last post so much that I wanted to let it sit a while before writing a new post. I am currently chewing on the idea of ‘choice’. I would like to think that I choose a good attitude in life. But then I wonder, doesn’t everyone? I mean, why choose to be hurt? The very written implication of that last question makes it sound like a ridiculous notion…”choosing to be hurt”. Of course one doesn’t “choose” to be hurt; one “gets” hurt. The very word “gets” suggests hurt is imposed, not chosen. We don’t run to our mother and say, “Johnny hit me and I choose to hurt!” Of course not. We say, “Johnny hurt me!” So the idea that ‘hurt’ is thrust upon us is given to us early in our culture through our use of the English language. Now that is the obvious, and the obvious is usually NOT what compels me. Of course not, my nature forbids it (not true for I can override my nature should I choose).
Aaaaahhhh…it is the last statement, made in parenthesis, that furthers this discussion! Now catch this with me if you can, hopefully I can make it come across in a comprehensible manner. Consider that Johnny hit you. In that moment, it was he who inflicted that which hurt. However, consider that you tell the story of Johnny and his attack upon you several times. Of course you run and tell your mother instantly (or whoever is available to console you in that moment), and sure enough, by the end of the day the incident becomes a ‘has been’. But if you wake the next morning and retell the tale at breakfast, then again at lunch, then again at dinner, then again and again and again, does that mean that Johnny’s blow is continuous, therefore making his hurting you continuous also?
My opinion…No.
In my view individuals allow hurtful incidents to “hurt” them longer than should be allowed. I’m really not excluded in this, though I write as though that is the case. My being aware of it does help me to not live in constant pain, physical or emotional. Again to state the obvious, humans hold onto emotional hurt long, long after the pain of the physical has subsided. And in my deduction, it is the re-telling of the incident that keeps the emotional pain in its thriving state. Then the “state of the pain”, for some people, becomes a part of their identity. There is a trap that comes along with this practice. The trap is, that as the pain is the identity of a person, that person begins to expect the pain. For example (mind you I am being benign here so as none of you can read my writing and consider I am drawing from your personality), being the last person chosen for teams in grade school is hurtful. As an adolescent the fear of the pain reminds one to either ‘no-show’ on the team choosing day in P.E., or cop an excuse for why you should be chosen last. Thus the original experience from grade school is being allowed to direct the actions in adolescence. As an adult, those insecurities are in full bloom and thoughts of “no one ever calls me” or “I’m always the last resort with friends, family, co-workers, etc.” are allowed to flourish in the mature mind.
I bring this up because, bottom line, I want to. That is the stripped down truth. But the truth with clothes on is that I bring it up because I interact with people, whether strangers or not, who are bogged down by painful occurrences from their past. Maybe not on a daily basis but consistent enough to be recognized. It seems to me they are being robbed of the joy of today, and the potentiality that circumstances have changed, that they have become someone who is chosen first!
I remember exactly when and where the good Lord spoke to my heart and mind about this very thing. Where he illuminated within me the idea of choice. I will share it in my next post, for right now I would rather hear your opinion on “Chewing by Choise”; joyfully misspelled on purpose—take that ‘Auto Correct’!
living in loss and gratitude 
Good night child! Yeah, that is all serious business. It is Ryan. Jillian dearest and I were discussing this one on the couch for a while last night. I wanted to mill on it a lil before replying. So I cant speak for the misses, but for me, the nagging question that I personally deal with is “where do I find my identity?” For nearly 20 years I found my identity as a skateboarder and now, due to forces beyond my control, I can no longer skateboard. Having become a follower of Christ, one of the first concepts that was repeated to me at church services was that your identity was now found in Christ. Cool. What exactly does that mean and what does that look like? I have been walking with the Lord for about 16 years now and that is the question that I still debate nearly daily. There is all kinds of other serious aspects to this discussion, but currently 212 different problems are vying for my attention. Much love.
Ryan and My Jillian…I am honored that you two ‘chewed by choice’ on this subject. Thank you. If it helps any, Ryan, I do believe our identity in Christ is an ever changing expression of the Holy Spirit being alive in us. By our willingness (the free will gift) to allow our lives to be used for the glory of G-d, G-d changes and molds our identity as needed, for the purpose of His Kingdom…It is a beautiful thing!
And your identity is always shining Christ’s presence within you. Skateboard or not, you emanate “child of The Most High”. Thank you for that.
Wow! It is not an accident I read your post and Gregory’s reply today. I have been struggling & praying to have a forgiving heart. I know in my mind I need to forgive as I have been forgiven, but it has been a difficult road. I have been wearing myself out in an almost constant internal tug of war with:
1. struggling to forgive
2. my disappointment in my unwillingness to forgive
3. my frustration at the limitations & fear I had let into my life because of how I had been wronged.
Your post made it so clear to me- I don’t have to choose to hold onto all of this hurt I have single handedly created. I don’t have to hold onto the hurt I did not create or deserve. And so I won’t.
Thank you for your courageous transparency & helping me in my walk with the Lord, Rivka!
Lifting you all in love and prayer,
Eve
Oh, I’ll step into it… As you might know, your brothers have been examining their thoughts and supporting each other in changing their quality of life by changing their train of thought. One of the primary pillars of faith/belief is that the physical world is a direct manifestation of thought.
Thus, my feelings, actions, thoughts, etc. are completely my responsibility. Why did Johnny hit me? The question itself takes me further from the truth.
Why did a create a situation in which Johnny hit me? Now I am moving closer to the truth.
It becomes very interesting when I take such complete responsibility for all my thoughts, feelings and actions. I’m not pissed off at “you” – I am pissed off. Now, why am I allowing myself to be pissed?
I think this kind of mastery of thought, complete responsibility of thought, is why one can stand in a den of lions without fear or anger at anyone – one can stand in flames with grace.
This level of responsibility in life brings us closer to a true relationship with our Lord and we act with Grace to all situations, to all living beings…
It can get quite crazy when one starts considering all scenarios in life; like a son getting a potentially deadly cancerous tumor. I think when we are completely accepting of all situations, all people-with complete love-we are then close to G-d; close to knowing the oneness in which we were created.
All that said, like you, I am a beginner… which is why I am grateful to connect with my brother and other like-minded people who are striving towards peace; within and without… at all times.
Forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us…
I hold a belief that the above is not given to us because the Lord thinks we are trespassed against; but because he is aware that we still think we are.
Thank you Greg-e, most profound!
I have been challenged to make my comment. ” it depends ” that is all I have to say for now because my choise is to override my nature.
glad you came, candy!
hmmmmmm!! Love you and hope that things are going well, “by choise” in your neck of the woods. As always, love and prayers to you all. M.A.
Aaaahhhh you are the brave one, Momma A. No one else seems to want to step into this slippery slope of a subject! I love you much. Thanks for being here with us.