Tag Archives: community

Shut The Hell Up!

8 Aug

This past weekend I had the pleasure of traveling north to Santa Barbara and meeting my sister and her friend for the weekend.  As we perused the street vendors and kitschy wall hanging plaques we laughed out loud as we read the crass slogans which illuminated truths about our lives.  For instance, one plaque had a picture of a woman in an apron and alongside her read, “The menu for the night? Take it or leave it!”

Now fast forward to Sunday evening when I was again home and surrounded by my motley family (dogs and all), we had a visitor who happens to be expecting her seventh child.  She had a moments reprieve from her “little birds” and came over to our house for a visit (because she acquiesced to my daughter’s request, not because she had some free time with nothing to do!);  now as the dinner hour fast approached, the subject of feeding the family was laid out on the table.  And of course with that subject comes much comedy especially when two or more mothers are gathered and interject their own trials in nutritiously satisfying the varying palates of their brood.  So it was with appropriate context that I shared the kitschy plaque about “take it or leave it.”  To which my friend answered, “I don’t want that plaque, I want one that says, Shut the Hell Up!”  Now you have to understand why this is so funny to me…it is because my dear friend, who has six little ones with another gaining speed, is such a loving mother and wife.  Her passion is taking care of her family and loving the great I AM.  So this crass response was just absolutely hysterical (my word choice here is no coincidence for those of you who love language, look up the etymology of hysterical and you will understand its perfect fit), and of course I love her rendition of the plaque much more than the original.

In fact, I have found myself uttering those very words this morning…

I was in the bathroom, having some private time (or so it should have been), the door was closed and the fan was on (now that should be clue enough for everyone to get the gist of what I was doing in the loo) when my husband decided to have a sit down near the door and converse with me about details of, who knows–I can’t remember, all I remember is the subject was not pressing and the details could have, should have, and would have to wait!!  In that moment, just about an hour ago, I found myself thinking the uttering of my friend, “shut the hell up”!  Now I realize it could be argued that a response such as that is warranted given the circumstance of the situation, however, I personally feel that such abrupt and rude language is never the appropriate manner in which to respond; so I didn’t use it…out loud.  But I thought it.

And the fact that I thought it bothers me.  I will tell you why.

There is an old adage that goes something like this:
“Be careful what you think because your thoughts become your words.  Your words become your actions, and your actions become your character.  And character is everything.”  So truth be told, my thought life has been a bit polluted for a while now.  And when considering the truth of the referenced proverb, I am in for some trouble if I don’t let the thought police come and do a bit of housecleaning.  I am in trouble because I don’t like the slippery slope of negativity that the “shut the hell up” response suggests.  No, not the “shut the hell up” said in a humorous context of kitschy plaques and dinnertime, but the “shut the hell up” thought toward my happy go lucky husband who is undeserving of such a response.  Actually, he is undeserving of me nurturing such responses, as is the rest of my family, as are my neighbors, as are the anonymous drivers on the road, as is the community in which I live or travel to, as is my G-d, as is myself.

Granted, my husband sitting outside the bathroom door while I’m taking care of “business” is definitely not a habit I intend to encourage.  But I will employ a gentler attitude when I stand firm upon the platform of “absolutely not.”  And the impetus to my decision is this:  love builds up, it does not tear down.  If I allow “shut the hell up” to fall from my lips upon the ears of any one of my beloveds, then I have failed to express the true essence of love.  So I avow at this moment to climb up the rope of the slippery slope backwards and by doing so redirect the course of my actions.

Thought Police, permission granted to come aboard!

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As It Should Be

16 Jul

I have several favorite movies; some of which are:  Guys and Dolls, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Singing in the Rain, Disney’s Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Melody Time, Roman Holiday, Mao’s Last Dancer, and most recently, Made in Dagenham.  It is the last of my favorites that I will relate to here.

The focal point of the movie is to showcase the change of infrastructure in England for the Ford Motors factory women in the early 1970’s.  Besides the “eye candy” of the period piece, the bright color hues, and the intriguing storyline filled with multilayered characters, the movie sends forth the underlying message of basic human rights.  In fact, in all of the movie, there is one scene between wife and husband that stood out to me in particular.  It is an exchange where the husband is pleading with his wife for a little “understanding”.  However, the basis of his argument is rooted in character traits such as, being a good provider for she and the children, not being a drunkard, and being nice to his wife, etc.  All of which, while in a heat-filled and tense conversation, can emulate a firm foundation for a case in point, but are ripped of their pseudo stability when the wife points out that the character traits he mentioned are simply, “as it should be”.  Nothing more.  And she goes on to explain to him that basic rights are not a privilege…

I’ve actually found the clip of the movie and included it in this post.  A feat I am quite proud of because I am a bit of a novice when it comes to navigating my way through “Youtube”.

At any rate, the theme of “As It Should Be” runs through my mind frequently.  Of course, in light of a domestic violent situation, it is difficult to Not consider how the absence of the basic rights of a woman and child affect the infrastructure of the family.  It is obvious.  However, my focus here is really to stay in the realm of the healthy family and how we interact with one another, as showcased in the scene from the movie Made in Dagenham.

For example, would it be right of me to consider that I deserve a special reward because I have cleaned the kitchen after preparing and cooking a meal?  Is it right of my husband to think he is an extraordinary human being because he provides a means for his family?  Am I exceptional because I take the time to nurture my children and teach them to be good citizens?  Do my children deserve extra (note the word “extra” here…the word implies above the usual…I am not suggesting it wrong to acknowledge good behavior) pats to their self esteem because they have enacted polite manners within interactions?  Do I deserve an award for taking care of my family, does my husband, do you?  Of course you can guess my answer to these questions is, “no”.  Special recognition for doling out the basic does not make sense.  Not to say that having a sense of appreciation for the basic is bad.  Not at all.  Actually, appreciation in and of itself, for the basic, is “As It Should Be.”

It feels abrupt for me to stop the conversation here, for I know I could continue on.  And I just might in another post.  However, it is time for me to get to the kitchen and begin clanging some dishes together which sends out the signal, to my family, that breakfast is in the making.  So let us just consider this conversation opener as a teaser, a little “food for thought” to kick start a new week.  And if nothing more, an introduction to one of my favorite movies.  May peace be with you, as it should be.  🙂

 

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Loving the Good

10 Jul

I would make a good vigilante.  Well that is not completely true…a partially good vigilante.  A possibly good vigilante?  Ok, okay; vigilantes and good cannot coexist–at least they would not coexist within my person.  But I can attest to the fact that I do love it when good prevails and within my fantastical perspective, which I am indulging within this writing, the vigilance committee makes no mistakes while righting the wrong of another.  Thus, it is always good (do I really need to remind that this is fantasy, not reality?  Well there it is, the reminder, just in case one of you reading wanted to jump on that last statement as if it were rooted in truth.).  And with a deep sigh of relief…sigh, sigh, sigh…I can tell you that today I was privileged to experience the good; no vigilanteism required.

As written in my previous post titled, “Choosing My Stride”, my friend and her children were in peril as a result of violence within their home.  I am happy to say that she and the wee ones are in the loving, and extremely adept, care of Human Options (humanoptions.org).  Their safety is secured and the process of healing has begun.  Within the chaos of the last several days, there was one aspect of calm that came alongside us and whose presence brought forth such good that I am still blown away by it at this moment.

The calm force, ironically, was the high profile criminal attorney (also mentioned in the last post).  Without so much as a dime in his pocket, he invested time, energy, expertise, and his connections toward assisting my friend and thereby her children.  The result?  Today we received word that the district attorney rejected the case against her due to the complexity of the domestic violence circumstance.  This victory came without a signed contract, without a verbal agreement for payment, and in full knowledge that funds were not on hand.  And with today’s news, no funds are needed.  Case closed.  Again, as mentioned above, my loved ones are now fully able to focus on healing.

When goodness crosses my path, I feel as if I am bubbling over inside myself with joy.  I honestly feel giddy, as if I have been granted access to something extremely special.  As a result I want to express my elation from the roof tops (or tree tops, or any tops for that matter), “I have met a person of quality; a person with integrity; a person who exhibits generosity; a person who cares!”  It is not that I do not know and dwell in the company of such people, I assure you I am blessed to say I do.  And to them I give the same accolades, and for them I thank G-d daily.  But in the last several days, and most specifically today, I was privy to be witness to the good in action–the selfless, generous gift from a stranger.  A stranger only because the introductions are fresh.  Though with the bond of fighting the good fight between us, a new alliance is formed.  And indeed I am proud to say I know this person.  He is a good man!

For the first time in six months, in regard to the circumstance of my friend and her family, I can truly breathe.  The vigilant Rivka is not needed, of course it never is.  Gratitude abounds and joy leads to a peaceful slumber.  Hallelujah and an Amen.

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