Lest I Digress

10 Jul
I am going to segue from the present course of my mourning to share a bit of comedic error as experienced by me, while in Japan.  If you are a long time reader of my writing, you already know that I find those things connected to our natural bodily functions to be quite comical.  If you are new, brace yourself! 😉
I like Japan!  Of course, I knew in advance it would be an easier trip than Europe due to the non-stop flight and the fact the Japanese do not go on strike!  And even though our schedule was packed and fully coordinated, the travel and hotel situation ran smoothly.  I also think the language barrier was a nice respite for me as it allowed many opportunities for me to be silent (which my soul appreciates right now).  But onward to the fun of the day…

The toilets.

What is not to love?  You sit down and the seat is heated.  There are so many buttons to push, and me being a sworn-in button-pushingaholic, must push each and every one.  Now this approach can be quite surprising and depending on where the water pressure adjustment has been set, can also be quite alarming—think drugstore enema (Fleet I believe).  But oh how fun, they even have a button which makes an artificial flushing sound, just in case you want to have a noise louder than your bodily functions.  I especially like this button as it is identified by a music symbol…I am now “in the know” that the sound of a flushing toilet is considered music!

Japanese Bidet

“Action Jackson”
Hotel room bidet button panel

I have had a bit of trouble twice (well if I am honest, I had a bit of trouble often–everything is written in Japanese, of which I know zilch).  The first time was when we visited a national shrine.  The toilet situation was more ‘traditional’, I guess you could say.  A porcelain hole in the ground.  It looks quite like a male urinal and I had to go outside to “verify” I was in fact in the ladies restroom.  Turns out I was but I still didn’t know how to maneuver the apparatus–the porcelain one and my own.  I’ll enclose a photo (of the toilet only!).
Japanese toilet

Skip to the loo my darlin’

I came across another one of these toilets at a ‘location photo shoot’ which happened to be in a Japanese hot-rod shop.  Now I wasn’t too worried when I had to urinate because, unlike the States, all toilet facilities, up to that point, had been very clean.  And the hot-rod shop, Pumkin Sally (http://pumpkinsally.blogspot.jp/), was no different.  But the porcelain hole, instead of being on the ground, was on a step up with two metal plates along each side of it.  …consider me clueless!  I was hoping not to spray the walls, or the floor for that matter, as my anatomy isn’t exactly a “straight shot!”

Well yesterday evening, while conversing with the wife of our host and the head buyer for men’s clothing for the Freak’s Stores, I had the opportunity to share my photos with them.  As we were looking through the batch, the toilet from the shrine came up.  I explained I had no clue how to use it, and thankfully my new male friend took it upon himself (while fully clothed mind you), to show me the proper “squat” method—turns out my “point and shoot” was all wrong!

My most favorite toilet experience came from a most ironic location.  Our friend and tour guide took us to lunch at an American style cafe.  It was there I received the warmest of welcomes.  The toilet option for the restaurant was a single stall, one for males and one for females.  You know, the kind with the sink and toilet in one little room, and one person at a time (ideally).  Well when I went in to use the bathroom, I opened the door and stepped a foot over the threshold when all of a sudden the toilet seat sprung up, as if to say, “Welcome, Rivka, to Japan!” I thought it the coolest thing ever and found myself torn between needing to empty a certain organ-like sac, and wanting to run back to my table and have everyone come and check it out.  …my bladder won.  But my table mates were given an enthusiastic description of the event upon my return. 🙂

I must say, Tokyo is a beautiful city–day or night.  And I will take their public restroom over any in America–hands, feet, and squatter down!

15 Responses to “Lest I Digress”

  1. Shawn Saunders July 12, 2013 at 5:33 am #

    As always, your mischievously comical wit brings out a good chuckle from deep within!!

    I am truly blessed to call you guys my friends!!!

    G-d Bless & carry on!!!

    Shawn Saunders

  2. Rivka And Her Wit July 11, 2013 at 9:10 pm #


    The lid to the toilet seat sprung up as if to say, “welcome,” not the seat itself…just the lid.

  3. Shari Nelson July 11, 2013 at 6:43 pm #

    You are too funny…your stories now help me understand the scene in Cars II when Mater goes into the bathroom stall in Japan – it was quite an adventure for him too 🙂 Love and Hugs to you!!!

    • Rivka And Her Wit July 11, 2013 at 8:57 pm #

      Oh now I must see that movie. I’ve only watched the 1st cars–didn’t even know there were more! Good to know you’ve found me here. Thanks for the support!

  4. Margie July 11, 2013 at 11:49 am #

    Your writing is the best, Rivka. It brightens the most difficult day.

    • Rivka And Her Wit July 11, 2013 at 8:58 pm #

      Thanks for the compliment, Mom. It means a lot! P.s. I called you this afternoon, but you were not available. …another hard day for us 3, but we carried on. xoxo

  5. Adrienne Mannis July 11, 2013 at 10:00 am #

    You are too funny!! Actually Stacey had forwarded me your e-mail and I enjoyed it all then as well. Well have been to Japan and other countries where the “facilities” are not what we are used too so I could totally relate. Don’t think I have seen your “push button” type yet and if I did I was probably too scared to “push away.” Glad you had a good trip and I will call you soon. Lots of love!!

    • Rivka And Her Wit July 11, 2013 at 8:59 pm #

      Oh you missed out! hahaha I look forward to talking with you. Love you much. 🙂

  6. adventures July 11, 2013 at 8:51 am #

    Wow, I think If I ever go to Japan, I’ll pee on myself before figuring out how to pee in the toilet 🙂 Hahahahaha! You are brave!

  7. Kim Juniper July 11, 2013 at 8:06 am #

    This is turly HILARIOUS! I too had my own personal experiences with the Japanese Toilets on a business trip in 2004! WILL NEVER forget it! LOL! I was in an ALL day meeting and I about DIED when I walked into the bathroom to see there was no toilet but a hole in the ground. I was pacing back and forth trying to figure out how in the heck I was going to get this done. I about burst inside out for another 3 hours until I found a “western toilet” in a gas station. I HAD to hold it, wsa completely afraid I would pee all over my pants if I had the “wrong angle”. All the guys accompanying me on the trip thought it was hilarious I wouldn’t use it! There have only been a few moments in my life I wished I was a man, and THAT was one of them! And lord, I LOVED the seat warmers!! How cool! XOXO! Glad to hear we have the samew humor when it comes to foriegn obstacles!

    • Rivka And Her Wit July 11, 2013 at 8:55 am #

      Kim you are too funny!! …I knew I’d hear something from you on this one, and I am not disappointed! Thanks for sharing.

      P.s. I had a weird dream last night, you happened to be in it–Alice in Wonderland style!

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