Daughter Shopping

12 Sep

My title is deceiving.  It implies I am in the market for a new daughter.  This is not the case…I assure you.  And though this post has nothing to do with shopping for a child, it does involve the parent-child dynamic.  Are you surprised?  Have I not overused this topic already?  I will answer for you, “no to both questions.”  Of course none of us can be surprised; after all, the subject of inter-human relations is inexhaustible.  This subject has come up for me this week via two completely unrelated circumstances.  The first is through my daughter.  The second is through the relationship of a friend and her son…and me.  First I will tell you the story of my daughter.

As I have previously written, Esther is in college.  Her math professor happens to have also been my math professor.  He and I got to know each other on a personal level because I required much assistance to gain the “A” grade for all three of the math classes I took while under his tutelage.  In addition to him being an astute professor of mathematics, he is a kind man and our personal lives crossed at a couple of proverbial intersections (stated only to avert the perversion of thought that might try to infiltrate the connection).  At any rate, the point of the aforementioned rhetoric is to simply overstate that he and I gained a knowledge of each other and of our families.  In fact, he has known Esther since she was twelve…almost five years now.  So the other day, when upon my advice she met him at his office for his amazing tutorial guidance, it was no surprise that he suggested to her to ask me for assistance on any and all of the subject matter in which she struggled.  His statement, as retold to me by her, went like this:  “Why don’t you ask your mom for help.  She is a really good teacher and was an excellent student in Algebra.”  And to this piece of advice, or suggestion rather, she said (again as retold to me by her): “NO WAY!!  My mom and I don’t mix well together in math…no how, no way!”  And you know what?  She is telling the truth!  We most certainly do NOT mix well when it comes to mathematics.  We do, however, get along fine while shopping.  Shopping for clothes, shopping for shoes, shopping for accessories–just plain old shopping.

Now onto the second scenario…

I have a good friend, a few hundred miles away, who has an elementary aged son who struggles with literacy.  Well on Sunday he called me and asked if we could have a Skype session (internet video phone call, for those of you who are unfamiliar with Skype) for no other reason than it is something fun to do.  So while we were chatting away about nothing important, and mostly because I was trying to keep the interest flowing, I asked if he would like me to read a book to him.  With immediate reluctance he questioned, “What book?”  I suggested Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (because it was within a reasonable reach).  It just so happened to be a favorite of his, therefore he answered, “yes.”  I read the book to him and after I finished he tucked himself into bed and we signed off with a “goodnight”.  Monday night I had another Skype call from my young friend.  Only this time HE had something to read to me.  He read me two short stories and allowed me to read another from my shelf.  Our next “telephone” date is set for tomorrow night.  And it honestly cannot come too soon.

My girl friend and I spoke the next day and she said her son has, since our first reading, Skyped with an older cousin and read to her as well.  My friend tells me this interest in reading is something of a phenomenon for her son.  She even accused me of having used magic on him because she says he normally does not like to read out loud, nor does he like to be read to.  And now he is excited about both…via Skype.  And all of this praise comes simultaneous to my daughter balking at the suggestion of utilizing me as a mathematical resource.  Funny.  Ironic and funny.

Yet isn’t that just the way of life under “normal” familial conditions (I use quotes on normal as I’m not quite sure what normal truly means.  Normal in my life seems to equate with chaos.  Controlled chaos, but chaos just the same.)?   I mean here I am able to help my daughter with her difficulties in math, yet she is adamantly opposed to working with me.  And my girlfriend, more educated than I, is definitely capable of reading and being read to, though her young son is reluctant to utilize her literary skills.

Children, and the business of raising them, is funny stuff!  And I am thankful that we help each other along the way.  To invest, to the degree that is required, can be quite the daunting task when going at it alone.  Which is why we need to ‘pitch-hit’ for one another during the times our ‘ever so wise’ children foolishly reject our skill sets.  I actually think the Chilean poet, Gabriela Mistral, says it best in her poem titled, “Su nombre es hoy” (“His Name is Today”).  Written in Spanish, the writing implores its readers to comprehend that the child who is at the crux of growth and development is not to be neglected.  He or she is to be invested in.  She states that to abandon the child is akin to keeping from them the fountain of life.  She encourages us to know that the many material “needs” we have can wait, but the child cannot.  And she finishes the piece by rhetorically asking, “how can we tell him tomorrow, when his name is Today.”

I am thankful for my young Skyping friend.  He has helped me remember that though my daughter rejects my tutorial assistance, there is another whose investment in her life is of great value and importance within that realm.  Which is how I hope my friend feels about me and her son’s new passion to read.

Su nombre es hoy

Nosotros somos culpables
de muchos errores y muchas faltas,
pero nuestro peor crimen
es el abandono de los niños
negándoles la fuente de la vida.

Muchas de las cosas
que nosotros necesitamos
pueden esperar, los niños no pueden,
ahora es el momento,
sus huesos están en formación,
su sangre también lo está
y sus sentidos
se están desarrollando,
a él nosotros no podemos contestarle
mañana,
su nombre es hoy.

-Gabriela Mistral

Brock

A Skype “goodnight”

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Type A-

9 Sep

Sorry world, you will have to wait.  Rivka B. is too tired to play.  The sun arose and so did she, face was made and hair was teased.  To put on clothes proved a chore too great thus the weary body fell, once again, prostrate.  The family knows not what to do when the cruise director has gone coo coo.  They wander about and wonder why, “should we fry an egg, or kill a fly?”  With mom laid up, holed away in her room, the picture fragments and resembles partial doom.  And to ensure the confused that doom not be their fate, she lifts the heavy, concrete blocks that once were her feet.  She staggers listlessly across the floor, her appearance noticed at the kitchen door.  “Mom, good morning.  How did you sleep?”  She nods and smiles, no words can she speak.  The dishes greet her, from the night before.  The coffee pot empty, another chore.  Her husband, rested, eager to converse is met with silence–the present curse.  The dishes she cleaned, the coffee she poured, now back to bed not even one word.

Sorry world, you will have to wait.  Rivka B. is too tired to play.

 

P.s. I am a closet fan of the band, Bauhaus.  I considered putting their video covering Bowie’s, “Ziggy Stardust”, up for viewing but thought the visuals too dark and felt, given the above nonsense, would convey an erroneous impression of me being in a melancholic state.  And since I am not dark, just tired, I refrained.  In its stead, I leave you a lighter version of my secret passion…

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DeStressing

5 Sep

As I walked the dogs this morning, I thought of the many ominous lists of “to do’s” which exist in the realm of stress alleviation (ok, so they’re not so ominous–but when you’re under much stress, having one more thing to do can seem like it comes from the devil himself).  Do get adequate sleep.  Do eat healthy (a subjective suggestion I assure you).  Do exercise.  Do breathe deeply.  Do yoga.  Do relax.  Do, do, do.  And I thought to myself, “I can’t handle any more things to do.  My proactive, reactive, tendencies are already maxed out!”  Thus I have decided to compile my own list of “to don’ts”…right here Bent style.  Therefore, for stress relieving purposes:

  • Don’t leave the house before 9 a.m. on the first day of ‘back to school’.  Better yet, take that first week of school off of work and don’t drive at all.  In fact, don’t drive anywhere in southern California–at any time.
  • Don’t eat McDonald’s chicken McNuggets, a cheeseburger, and french fries and expect to “feel good” afterwards (though the Paul Frank Happy Meal toy does help distract from the stomach ache).
  • Don’t eat McDonald’s at all, especially if you already are having trouble with how your clothes are fitting your newly expanded physique.
  • Don’t walk dogs and count it as stress relieving exercise…dogs are needy and they poop, and the poop needs to be picked up, and if you don’t pick it up someone is always watching, and if someone is always watching that stresses you out more because now you know they are judging your bad picking up poop habits.  This is a definite don’t!
  • Don’t go sailing on a sailboat in stormy weather when you are an inexperienced sailor and your husband is an inefficient teacher.
  • Don’t take up smoking…not even if they are the sweet laced kreteks in the cherry flavored package.
  • Don’t give yourself a home permanent (not that I would, but while under immense stress, one never knows).
  • Don’t give yourself a home “facial” (aka pick your face apart via cleaning out every pore with your fingernails).
  • Don’t watch reruns of Gilligan’s Island, there are just too many discrepancies in the writing and background story that offer themselves to be picked apart…not a DE-stressing move I assure you.
  • Don’t eat too much cheese (this one is optional–eat away if you like spending a lot of time in the loo).
  • Don’t call your mother ‘just to check in’, because she will fill you in on the latest blood type studies that suggest peril for your future.

Well that should do it for now.  I feel quite accomplished.  I began my list with not leaving the house and ended with not calling “mom”.  Most of the above have been run through by me while under a great deal of pressure.  And though abstinence, from driving, is not an option in my life at this time, it is safe to say that implementing the use of cuss words in rapid succession helps to offset the stress imposed by other drivers.  Dang, I should have learned that one long ago as my driving instructor, my sister, has been utilizing that particular stress reliever for years.  Apparently I am a slow learner.

And while I was just about to close this post by wishing us all a great start to a new week, I am reminded (by my son) that today is Wednesday.  Most definitely NOT the beginning of the week.  So one more item to add: Don’t trust my judgement on the subject of stress, perhaps consult a ‘to-do’ list instead.  …happy mid-week!

A Stressed Rivka

All stressed out and somewhere to go!

 

 

 

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