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The Entertainer

21 Apr

I have decided to consider the pestering thoughts in my mind to be a form of entertainment.  As I sit here and listen to an excerpt from the opera, La Bohème, and type this posting, I am determined to convince myself of the former statement.  The reason for my determination is that I am, presently, being needled in my psyche by an insensitive reply from a complete stranger, to a comment I made on another blog.  And in full disclosure, the insensitive reply is not what is truly bothering me.  It is the fact I am allowing the comment to bother me that actually is the bother!  Thus in order to convince my feelings to not dwell in hurt, I am attempting to change the perspective of the committee within my head.  The badgering, nagging thoughts that are doing their best to rob me of the joy of the moment (whatever the moment may be), all the while attempting to entice me into literary action by way of responding to the response.

There, I just switched from La Bohème to Carmen…a more fitting opera for the occasion and also the very first opera I was privileged to see.  My father took me to see it when I was a little girl, and I still remember the sheer enjoyment of being pulled into the drama of the stage.

At any rate, the problem does not truly lie in the lap of the commentator.  She, or he, does not know me and therefore does not have access to my heart, the foundations of my thoughts, nor the accompanying intonation of my voice.  I carry the burden fully because I gave into the enticements of the blogging world.  Enticements such as, little phrases that pop up on my screen after I’ve posted a new entry which tell me how to increase my scope of notoriety (otherwise known as my reach).  One of which instructs me, the blogger, to make comments on the blogs of others.  Exposure is the way to increase my own stats.  So I tried it out and–“wham-O”–I took a hit.  Now I am pretty thick skinned for the most part.  I am confident in myself.  I know my strengths (what are those again? ;)), my not-so-strong points (cherry drops off a pull up bar NOT being one of them–I still rule the playground!), and my earnest intent to not harm another (though my humanity fails me in this regard much too often).  I also realize I will be the vinegar to anothers’ oil, and that is the way life goes sometimes.  So when I let a little commentary bother me to the point of reciting, in my head, varying ways of shutting down the misunderstanding–and by “shutting down” I am not thinking in terms of politeness, I get annoyed at my self.  Especially as I have jumped into this new world of blogging for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with building a large reading base.  And by succumbing to the temptation to be popular (sing it “Wicked”), I lose sight of my intent and purpose.  All of which reflects poorly on the face beautiful, and vanity is a true motivator (of course wanting to follow after righteousness and not my own self centered insecurities could be a player as well).

So now the challenge of redirecting the “head” committee by way of ushering out the tactical methods of the ‘thought police’.  Methodology:  Turn the pests into actors playing out a scene.  The effect:  I am rid the burden the former intruders befell me and left giddy from the new comedic performance.  Given a choice, I choose comedy every time.

Yay, mission accomplished!  My “About” page remains an honest tale of my blogging intent and I have averted the urge to scathe a fellow human being with the quick flick of the enter key.  Oh happy day…

Matthew 22:36-40

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

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just Making It

17 Apr

We are home and southern Cal weather is good medicine for the weary.  The reason for my title?  Because we are just making it by the hair of our chinny, chin, chin…

Sometimes, in life, I feel (to coin a phrase from the movie The Outsiders), “Golden”.  Then there are other times.  Today, and yesterday, and the day before that (which would be Saturday), I feel I am “just making it”.  And by just making it, I mean I am pushing myself to get things done that need my attention, but am struggling with even that.  I am moving my body forward, whether it is paying a bill, following up a telephone call on behalf of our family, or responding to the many emails I have that require a response.  But all the while my brain and body want to crawl back into my cozy bed and pretend I have no-one, nor no-thing requiring my attention.  And when I say that, I am pointing the finger in my own direction as well.  For even my own need for food, drink, and bathroom is an annoyance to my ‘just making it’ condition!

The above paragraph was written by me yesterday.  Today I have discovered the culprit to my debilitating exhaustion of which I previously wrote.  In an effort to medicinally treat a self diagnosed rhinitis condition, I used a nasal spray that was given to me by who knows who, and who can even remember when!  This morning I took a closer look at the sealed pamphlet which was lurking inside the box only to discover the prevalent side effect listed (of any consequence) is, “tends to cause somnolence”.  Now I had the general idea that that particular word had roots in the drowsiness category and to confirm my suspicions, I looked it up in my handy dandy dictionary (the one I stole from my high school library back in 1985; and which I attempted to return in 1994 only to learn it was no longer the type of dictionary the library wanted to house, thereby absolving me of my adolescent crime.  Thus it has finally become legitimate in my care–at least I legitimately use it!).  Yep, my weariness was brought forth through the use of an uneducated attempt to self medicate an undiagnosed condition.  Sounds smart…good thing I’m not writing a medical advice blog because I just might also try to sell you a remedy/diagnosis from Better Homes and Gardens which for some reason was gifted to me by an anonymous source and happened to be the catalyst to my perusal of medicine cabinet options.  Go figure, I sit down to use the john and find, through intensive study and research of course, via BHG, that I am the sufferer of “hormonally onset spontaneous rhinitis”.  Whatever that means.  That was my mal-interpretation!  For I’m sure their article was presented in a manner which pointed the reader to “review the options with your allergy specialist”.  But hey, that takes too much of my time.  So I grabbed my ailment and treated it with with all the enthusiasm of a toddler and the first bite of his or her birthday cake…full steam ahead!  I know, not too clever.  Next time I’ll be sure to consult US Weekly or People magazine before medicating my new found disease.  HA!

Anyway, Cole, Piper, and I actually left San Jose on Friday afternoon and made it home in 6 and one half hours–with snow and rain on the grapevine.  The traffic conditions were optimal and the general flow of traffic was at a rate of about 90miles/hr (though I did slow down in the blizzard). 🙂

And even though Cole did not receive his magic wand effect of the returned smile he was hoping (and we were praying) for, I can tell you his balance is greatly improved and his face does seem more taught.  Which in the realm of muscular dysfunction, taught is an improvement from atrophy.  We do agree, however, that two weeks in a row is too much.  His head is welted and the inside of his mouth swollen.  He is exhausted from hotel living and lack of sleep along with the therapy.  So while he won’t be rushing any time soon to again return to such a stringent therapeutic regimen, I’m sure he will return to the clinic for a maximum of 4 consecutive days in the near future.

And now his challenge is to continue the course of exercise and muscular manipulation prescribed by the doctors; while my challenge is to stay focused on the positives of life.  And that, my friends, can be quite challenging indeed.  Especially when seeing my son discouraged, disabled, and dependent is a heartbreak I carry daily.  YET, I feel it more of a burden to “see the cup half full” when I have fallen prey to the side effects of prescription strength, though non-prescribed, nasal spray.  Thus I avow to lay off the sniffer and to again attempt an attitude of thanksgiving.  Because ‘just making it’ doesn’t really feel so good, and is definitely NOT where I wish to reside.  No more rhinitis for me, but the hormonally challenged part of the equation will most definitely have to stay.

Psalm 94:19
In the multitude of my anxieties within me,Your comforts delight my soul.

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Encouragement

19 Mar

A while back I posted a song sung by Mavis Staples called, “Hard Times Come Again No More”.  It was my sincere hope that the lyrics to that song would be the kick off to the theme of my new year.  But alas it has not been the case.  We have had one hard time after another since January 2012, and I admit, staying encouraged takes a lot of work!

In fact, having faith (especially in tough circumstances) takes a lot of ‘invested and expended energy’…each of those three words, invest-expend-energy- is an action word.  And action equates to work.  Thus faith is work because it is an investment of expended energy.  The reason one has to ‘work’ ones faith is because we have to battle our practical knowledge of life to remain in a place of ‘faith’.  Faith being hopeful of things not seen and reliant (and confident) upon the invisible truth.  And the underlying truth within the meaning of faith is HOPE.  Remaining hopeful when circumstances in life seem to be getting the upper hand.  When we come back up from falling down only to feel as if life is punching us down again.  It is the Hope, in the Faith that keeps one going.  And in order to keep going we need to be encouraged along the way.

Staying encouraged in the depth of our soul–when no one else is looking, when no one else can see and know the thoughts of our mind–is when and where the act of Faith plays its largest role.  It is in those times that we most ‘work’.  And it has just come to me now, as I write, that I have been investing and expending an awful lot of energy in this realm.  Therefore it is no wonder that when I have down time, I want to either sleep or check out.  And one might assume, being life has been so heavy hitting for quite a while now, that I have been deeply committed to reading the word of G-d on a regular basis.  Yet I have not.  I am too tired to read.  I am, most days, too tired to even watch a movie.  Yet rooted in my soul is the knowledge and assurance of the Lord, his word, and my worth in Him.  You could say it is magical, but only in a real spiritual sense.  For there is no mystery here, the Lord has given us His Holy Spirit to comfort us while here.  With that assurance and comfort I stay encouraged…tired, but encouraged none the less.

And as the Lord would have it (the Great Creator of Irony himself), out of one of the harshest (in my opinion) books in the Bible comes a passage that serves as super encouragement, for it reminds us that every day is a new opportunity, a new beginning, a new outlook.  God’s compassion is new every morning, his mercy is new every morning, his faithfulness is new every morning.  Be ye renewed and remain ever hopeful.

Lamentations 3:22-23

 It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

 

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