Today, while I was using a public restroom, I found myself crying out to G-d, tormented by my own dysfunction. The part about the restroom is important because it happened to be the only location where I had a moment to myself…it was a single stall!
My cry?
“Why is it so hard at this very moment to have a good attitude?! Why am I so focused on the things I want to dismiss?! AAAaaahhhhHH”
In other words, why am I walking such a fine line today? Why, oh why, oh why!
What a dumb question. What a pointless attitude…and yet, it was mine today!
But here is some good news;
Cole has ditched his walker and is using a cane. He made this decision on Saturday, October 8th. I remember because that was the day of Brian’s family reunion here at our house…as if I wasn’t tired enough, Cole decided to teeter and totter on that particular day. The first week of his cane use I felt like I had sandbags running through my veins, mucking up my circulatory system, and therefore rendering me prone most of the week. I was just so nervous he would fall over; in fact, he told me to not react so quickly to catch him when his footing went awry. He told me to let him try to catch himself, like his friends do if he is with them. I told him, “yeah right! I am not your friend, I am your mother…letting you possibly fall goes against my nature!”
Yet here he is in his third week of cane use, and his balance (or his compensatory abilities) have improved greatly! I am not such a nervous wreck as I walk next to him, and his confidence makes for a good teacher.
living in loss and gratitude 
What great news – the cane I refer to!! Stop being so hard on yourself!! I can’t tell you how much your blogs inspire all of us who read them. You are entitled to some “down” time. Not fun, I know.
Love ya’ all – MA
oh, the challenges of leading the perfected life… “leading”; maybe there is a clue in there… perhaps we are best off when led – choosing who to be led by and act of our free will.
“sigh”
I am very happy to hear of cole’s progress… (and I liked the blue better for background; all the critics love you when you’re…)